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****Rules when dealing with women****

37 replies · 5,424 views · Started 06 May 2003

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand

the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this

merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just

how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule

applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes,

and you get points. Do something she dislikes and

points are subtracted. You don't get any points for

doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the

game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed .........................................+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows....-1

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-2

You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............+5

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5

in the rain...................................................+8

but return with beer..........................................-1

and no panty liners...........................................-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night.....................+1

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5

You pummel it with a six iron................................+10

It's her cat.................................................-40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party.........................0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a school drinking buddy.......-2

Named Tiffany................................................-5

Tiffany is a dancer..........................................-10

With breast implants.........................................-20

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday...................................+1

You buy a card and flowers..................................+2

You take her out to dinner..................................+5

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar........+10

Okay, it is a sports bar....................................-10

And it's all-you-can-eat night...........................-20

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team......-30

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal....................................... 0

The pal is happily married.......................... +1

The pal is single...................................-10

He drives a Ferrari.................................-20

With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)........-30

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie...................................+2

You take her to a movie she likes.........................+5

You take her to a movie you hate..........................+8

You take her to a movie you like..........................-5

It's called Death Cop III.................................-10

Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....................-20

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-30

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly............................-5

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it....+10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts......-30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."...............-100

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

You hesitate in responding......................-10

You reply, "Where?".............................-35

You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"..........-100

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:

You listen, displaying a concerned expression....................+1

You listen, for over 30 minutes..................................+5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience........+50

You have fallen asleep.........................................-200

ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH.......

You talk.........................................-100

You don't talk...................................-100

You spend time with her..........................-100

You don't spend time with her....................-100

You are seen enjoying yourself...................-100

that was very funny. 😃 😃 😃

i know someone has been doing there homework.

so specialboy wots your points so far.

[quote="kalim13"]so specialboy wots your points so far.[/quote]

Score must be -ve - anyone who claims a +ve score must be lying, deluded or Keanu Reeves who seems to get +10,000 pts just for existing.

More to show how differently men and women look at things...

HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY

Today the Leafs lost. At least I got laid.

SECRETS OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last: Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship - she goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Essex and mine is in Cyprus.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our nniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".
So I bought her an electric chair.

Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

My wife has a slight speech impediment - sometimes she pauses to draw breath.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

Lat night I had some words with my wife. She had several paragraphs with me.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?".... I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Why do men die before their wives?
'Cause they want to'.

Funny! 😃 But you know Laura,in real life,its really the other way arround these days 😊

:rofl: Tomahawk!!!!

[quote="Tomahawk"]
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?".... I said, "Dust!" [/quote]

That would definitively be a -100 answer 😃

To Ghostdog: I am relieved you say that, the diary joke to me sounds so true it is scary 8)

The success for a good marriage and a good relationship with your sponse is to communication, trust, good listener when one is down, life giving, understanding, faithful to each other.

At time, pop up infront of her and offer her flowers, ALWAYS hold her hands, kiss her anytime, share problem with her, no secrets with each other.

Communication, yep. Isn't it funny how today we have more ways to communicate than ever: phone, sms, chat, e-mail, snail mail... did I forget something? Oh yes, talking 😉 And how communication still has not become any easier? We just have more ways to get it wrong 8)

But flowers surely do the trick each time 😃

I don't go for flowers 😊 I'd rather go for food... hahaha! just take me out to a restaurant and everything will be solved! hahaha! Anyway, I agree with the communication thing... marriages fail sometimes since couples don't talk about their problems.

hahaha! They say that the only way to a man's heart is his stomach... I think this goes for girls too! 😊

[quote="ST@RR"]hahaha! They say that the only way to a man's heart is his stomach... I think this goes for girls too! 😊[/quote]
good info 😉

[quote="Edgedale"]The success for a good marriage and a good relationship with your sponse is to communication, trust, good listener when one is down, life giving, understanding, faithful to each other.

At time, pop up infront of her and offer her flowers, ALWAYS hold her hands, kiss her anytime, share problem with her, no secrets with each other.[/quote]

no offence Edgadale,
but is it only me, or does anyone else see a sleeping penis on edgadale aviator??

[quote="Link"][quote="Edgedale"]The success for a good marriage and a good relationship with your sponse is to communication, trust, good listener when one is down, life giving, understanding, faithful to each other.

At time, pop up infront of her and offer her flowers, ALWAYS hold her hands, kiss her anytime, share problem with her, no secrets with each other.[/quote]

no offence Edgadale,
but is it only me, or does anyone else see a sleeping penis on edgadale aviator??[/quote]
HAHAHA! That's supposed to be him... don't tell me you look like a sleeping p***s edgedale? hahaha! Funny Link!