I was drinking Milkshake the other day when I saw a splinter floating in it, I decided to pick it out using my earwax grabber. I was about to throw it onto the floor when I saw a tiny little tree on it. I held it up to the light and saw that etched into the tree was a proverb; "I had a bee, it stung my hand. Now I have lost my entire land". I read it out loud and behold, the waiter who was standing behind me wept bitterly. He told me that he was the king of the cup from which I was drinking the milkshake.
I stood up and faced him. He was short and so he was staring at my chin. Looking down into his scalp, I saw lots of people running around in what seemed to be a blind panic.
I asked him why there were people in his hair and he told me that they were visiting relatives from a nearby sea who had flown in on a grain of salt. I sneezed and wiped out most of the population. I apologised and he told me not to worry because he had seven more households in his armpits, around his nipples and between his toes. I asked if he had any people in his.... but he said no.
Walking out of the Milkshake Shop, I found myself feeling strangely elated. There was such joy within my heart that I felt ready to explode into fifteen little rats. Floating down the street, a very pretty lady said "why are you smiling?" and I told her that I had met the head people from the land of woody milkshake. Little did I know, but she was from that land and she started to float with me. Holding hands, we floated to the sea and over it. We floated for many months, just holding hands and growing beards. She wasn't so pretty by the time we reached Hillbrow Terrace (where she lived). She wanted me to come in for some sponge and a cup of tea before leaving for the shoes. I was told then by the voice in my tooth that I must refuse for she was a witch and grew keyrings for National Trust shops.
I ran and ran but she reached out her elastic arms and grabbed my shoulders, dragging me back. As I screamed, she laughed and evil laugh. I was so scared that I didn't blink for five minutes. All the time, she was pulling me back into her shop. She told me that if I gave in to her will, I would be able to buy Welshcake Teatowels for half the going price, but I knew that she just wanted me to buy that chocolate that costs �1.99 a bar. So I ran and ran. But the harder a ran, the bigger her mouth got and eventually, she turned into a hole; a big hole with yellow teeth and a purple carpet. I gave up and ran into this hole. At the end of the carpet was a watch.
As I picked up the watch, it beeped. I had never heard an analogue watch beep electronically. The watch said 11:30 and then it beeped again. It was a loud beep that sounded like a foot. The foot tripped me up and I fell to the floor.
Damn! I hate peach flavoured water, but I don't mind Apple. This was such a problem as the Peach flavoured bubbles went up my nose. My horror was multiplied when I realised that there was a touch of Apricot in there as well. How I longed for the milkshake shop. It seemed so nice and harmless. As I passed out, I heard someone say that they were going to shave off my eyebrows. When I woke up, I had no eyebrows. But I was in a forest.
The forest as full of trees and pickled lice. I looked up and saw a pink ocean and white sky. The ground shook and suddenly, from nowhere came a massive head. It appeared in the sky. It was the waiter from the milkshake shop. He looked down at me and smiled. Out of his ear came a giraffe and it landed beside me. It lifted me up in its mouth and threw me onto its back and ran to a nearby castle. When we arrived, it turned into a doll and I broke my head open on the concrete step. I didn't die. I was the balloon that was to rule this land and the waiter in the sky showed me mercy and glee.