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Worlds longest insult

11 replies · 38,997 views · Started 06 September 2003

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas. I�ll bet you couldn�t pour !@#$ out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won�t go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.
You�re a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.
You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done.
I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformation. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?
Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.
You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.
You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You�re a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won�t have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?
You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral[size] equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meat slapper.
On a good day you�re a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient
in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.
You smarmy lager lout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oink artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted
fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.
You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate,
noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.
I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid.
Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid.
You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond
the laws of physics that we know. I�m sorry. I can�t go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don�t have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.
The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of what you wrote, because, well... it didn�t really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success.
True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us �normal� people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are �challenged� persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn�t have been �right�.
Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.
P.S.:
You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb,
evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive,
mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-reta[size=2]rded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good.
(yes, I�m done now)

😃 😃

Yes mates. i also have the same words for nokia. i dont have the phone. my friend have it .actually i dont give a FCUk. about their S.H.I.T phones. as they are making all the phones and using the same software and same design. and they are just cheating peoples. its 10,000 times better to purchase a POcket pc phone than this FCuking Communicator. with useless screen dimension. but still people like nokia.
OH. I Willl FCUK their all models. with same screen. and no model no order. Crap releases and same softwares. Just they are cheeters. they just change the colour of the body and then release the new model by placing simply an (i) and crazy ignorant people purchase them.
Huh.
Very sad Nikia, you will die soon. i wish

Who said he was insulting Nokia?

Edit: seeing that you posted the same crap in 4 threads, you're banned for 1 week. If you persist in posting this kind of rubbish, I'll make it permanent.

ruk_design wrote:Yes mates. i also have the same words for nokia. i dont have the phone. my friend have it .actually i dont give a FCUk. about their S.H.I.T phones. as they are making all the phones and using the same software and same design. and they are just cheating peoples. its 10,000 times better to purchase a POcket pc phone than this FCuking Communicator. with useless screen dimension. but still people like nokia.
OH. I Willl FCUK their all models. with same screen. and no model no order. Crap releases and same softwares. Just they are cheeters. they just change the colour of the body and then release the new model by placing simply an (i) and crazy ignorant people purchase them.
Huh.
Very sad Nikia, you will die soon. i wish

This sounds familar...do you by chance own a MS related website? 🙄

J2theIZZO wrote:This sounds familar...do you by chance own a MS related website? 🙄

I thought i recognised the anti-nokia tones. has the infamous JPZR returned under a new disguise? :secruity: :banghead:

Nah, sounds more like your average hardcore SE fan. Posts like that are a dime a dozen over at Esato.com. That forum is run by a bunch of overzealous kiddies who harbour a strong hatred towards Nokia and all their products, for no apparently logical or even sane reason.

It'll always happen though, it's like Sega vs Nintendo, Atari vs Amiga, two camps blindly debating the odds over stupidly similar systems both shown defeated when they were too busy battling each other and let competitors sneak past. Sony in the case of Sega/Nintendo, and the IBM compatible PC in the case of Atari/Amiga.

My fanboy days are behind me, kind of *looks at the Atari Falcon next to him* but we learn from the mistakes of yesteryear and aim to keep an open mind. I'm not ashamed to say that if something better than the 9500 appears I'll get that, though i'm sceptical I'll see it for a while.

SwitchBlade wrote:I'm not ashamed to say that if something better than the 9500 appears I'll get that, though i'm sceptical I'll see it for a while.

Agreed. And it's not about which device looks better on paper (where M$ products shine), it's about which device suits my needs the best. Currently that device is the 9300, but the Nokia brand name doesn't mean much to me. My next device can be from whatever manufacturer, as long as it does what I need it to, the way I want it to. Preferably running Symbian, but I am open to alternatives.

This message was found on a blog where a poster put up the Blog owners real name, address and phone number. The blog was dedicated to how this guy's wife was crazy and he was going to leave her. I think she found the site because of the name being up there because it was completely deleted except for this on the front page. you can find it at:

http://www.plan861136.blogspot.com/

you are a fucking no good cock sucking mother fucker and you will pay the price for what you've done you pig fucker you mother fucker you fist fucker you bike seat sniffing grandmother dry humping dildo up the ass riding no good cum swallowing dirt bag mother fucker i'm going to get you and when i do i'm going to fist fuck you then i'm going to piss on you then i'm going to dump gasoline all over you then i'm going to light your fucking ass up and watch you slowly burn you fucking asshole you fucking nobody you fucking douchbag you fucking rat you fucking narc you fucking cockchugger you fucking good for nothing mother fucker did you think that i wouldn't care that you did what you did did you think that you were being some sort of hero for doing it do you feel like some sort of hero well hero you better find some superpowers because im going to come over to your place later and stick my size 12 in your fucking cock fucked ass and beat your fucking cum and shit stained face to a pulp and leave you for the alligators to eat and whatever is left over im going to feed to the pigs they'll never find you again you ball sniffer you overgrown taint you syphillus infected cum bubble you bloody vaginal fart you are lower than the lowest form of cum drinking scumbag mother fucker on this planet i wouldnt give a rats ass if your whole family goes up in smoke i wouldnt care if they were shot raped burned lynched pistol whipped drug behind some rednecks pickup truck and then they fed the little chunks that were left to the buzzards they wouldnt even eat you you fuckling waste of space watch your back you fucking nobody you ruined it for me and i will not forget it die mother fucker you gonna die mother fucker you gonna wish you never fucked with me you are gonna beg me for mercy as i twist your ugly face off your head and kick it up your fat ass your stinking shit stained good for nothing sit around and play with yourself all day ass bitch im gonna get you dont think i dont know who you are either dont think you can sit behind the anonymous name you used on the blog because in the admin section it collects everyones ip address just because you are the biggest fucking idiot ive ever met here is a quick definition IP Address (Internet Protocol Address) A unique number consisting of 4 parts separated by dots, eg 165.113.245.2 (look familiar?) Every machine that is on the Internet has a unique IP address - if a machine does not have an IP address, it is not really on the Internet that means that your computer tells the computer that my blog is sitting on exactly who you are you fucking good for nothing cow ass licker oh just wait until i get my hands on you because i know exactly who the fuck you are ohhhh just wait because you are going to beg me to stop raping you with the biggest blunt object i can find in your shithole little house after i kick in your door do you think this will be the first time that it has come to this do you think that im just some dumb redneck schmuck who would just let you get away with this because if you did you will be waking up later tonight from your quiet little slumber with a huge angry white motherfucker looking down at you watching you breath your last fucking no good ball sack smelling breath my advice would be to leave now and run far far away but thats not far enough you better just put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger because when i get you youre gonna beg me for a bullet your gonna beg me to put an end to your worthless existence... watch your back because even if you think that the distance between us will save you i have plent of cash to pay someone enough money to do exactly what i am imagining it will be a couple of crack heads and heroine addicts who will do anything for a few weeks of blow and smack do you know what those mother fuckers will do for me think about it because you better leave me an apology after this and find a way to resolve the violent feeling i am having right now as i sit here thinking about smashing your fucking ugly face in with a hammer.

One Christmas, I got a 'Bumper Book of Insults' and one of my favourites is;

[INDENT]May the curse of Mrs. Malone and her nine illegitimate daughters chase you so far over the hills of damnation that not even the good Lord Himself could find you with a telescope[/INDENT]

Always makes me laugh does that one.

Wirelessly posted (Motorola v180: MOT-V180ENS/0B.D1.32R MIB/2.2.1 Profile/MIDP-2.0 Configuration/CLDC-1.0 UP.Link/6.3.0.0.0)

So much useless hatred and wonton violence go this world. It almost makes me cry. :frown: :frown: