😃 😃 😃 😃
Want Fun? Read a JOKE :)
😃
i remember seeing something like this on the net
😃 Nice one Fox!!
Lee
😃 😃 😃 😃
thanks guys
lol fox
guess who's back.. 😃
YES......PORNO... 😃 😃
must...look...away..can't..focus
Stress Reliever # 1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of
the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 5
A newly married man asked his wife,
"Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly,
"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 6
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 7
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls
Royce.
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 8
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
_____________________________________________________
Stress Reliever # 9
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you
married her?"
Millionaire: Billionaire
S.H.I.T.
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FR: MANAGEMENT
RE: SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work
and productivity from employees, it will be our policy
to keep all employees well trained through our program
of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are
trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone
else.
If you feel that you do not receive your share of
S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will
be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list,
and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that
you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed
in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.
S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.
seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE
TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took
S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to
do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T.
already. If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be
interested in a job training others.
We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING
LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full
of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs, and
can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY
PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).
If you have further questions, please direct them to
our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)
😃 😃 😃 😃
:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:
Remotes........
3 Guys In Heaven
There are three men standing at the gates of Heaven.
The Angel: Okay Number 1, how'd you get here?
Number 1: Well, it started when a friend of mine at work told me that my wife had been having an affair. I rushed home to try and catch her in the act. When I got there I saw her in the kitchen half naked, so I searched the entire house, but I couldn't find him. Then it came to me, wife, naked, kitchen, "He must be in the refrigerator!" So I hauled the frige up the the second story balcony and threw it off. The stress of dragging the frige was too much and I had a heard attack and died. That's how I got here.
The Angel: My! That's terrible, you may pass.
The first man walks through the gates.
The Angel: Okay, Number 2, what's your story?
Number 2: Well, I had told my friend at work that his wife was having an affair, but it turns out it wasn't true. I rushed to his house to stop him from making a mistake, but when I got there this refrigerator came out of nowhere and crushed me. That's how I died.
The Angel: That's horrible, you may pass through the gates.
The second man walks through the gates.
The Angel: How awful for both of them. Well Number 3, how'd you get here?
Number 3: Well, picture this: You're sitting naked inside a refrigerator...
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell
and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times
since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because
they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next
week."
The next week the lady comes back.
"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my
farts...although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's
work on your hearing.
I think this joke have been posted by me before...
[quote="kishor"]3 Guys In Heaven
There are three men standing at the gates of Heaven.
The Angel: Okay Number 1, how'd you get here?
Number 1: Well, it started when a friend of mine at work told me that my wife had been having an affair. I rushed home to try and catch her in the act. When I got there I saw her in the kitchen half naked, so I searched the entire house, but I couldn't find him. Then it came to me, wife, naked, kitchen, "He must be in the refrigerator!" So I hauled the frige up the the second story balcony and threw it off. The stress of dragging the frige was too much and I had a heard attack and died. That's how I got here.
The Angel: My! That's terrible, you may pass.
The first man walks through the gates.
The Angel: Okay, Number 2, what's your story?
Number 2: Well, I had told my friend at work that his wife was having an affair, but it turns out it wasn't true. I rushed to his house to stop him from making a mistake, but when I got there this refrigerator came out of nowhere and crushed me. That's how I died.
The Angel: That's horrible, you may pass through the gates.
The second man walks through the gates.
The Angel: How awful for both of them. Well Number 3, how'd you get here?
Number 3: Well, picture this: You're sitting naked inside a refrigerator...[/quote]
CELL PHONE!
One of my friends works in the customer service
call center of a national pager company.
He deals with the usual complaints regarding poor pager operation,
as well as the occasional crank caller demanding to be paged less often,
more often, or by more interesting people.
The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained
that he was being paged by "Lucille".
He was instructed that he would have to call her
and tell her to stop paging him.
"She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he said.
After three such calls, someone thought to ask
how he knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number.
"She leaves her name" was the reply.
After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager,
the light bulb came on.
"How does she spell her name?" the service rep asked.
"L-O-W C-E-L-L"
WHAT YOU GET!
A man is walking around New York with his wife.
They find a perfume shop, the wife goes in, and he waits outside.
A hooker comes along and says to him,
"Like to come home with me, buddy?"
"For how much?" asks the man.
"One hundred dollars."
"I'll give you five bucks."
The girl spits at him and walks away.
A little later, the man's wife comes out of the shop and they continue their walk.
On the first corner they come to there is the same hooker.
She takes one look at the man and his wife and says,
"You see? You see what you get for five bucks?"
SPEECH!
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman
are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society.
All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his friends
starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin.
When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
"Well" he explained"
By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies...
and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen.
So my speech started: Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself
I'll go one better than that English bastard
and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers
above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing.
"Well" he explained"
By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin
I was starting my speech by saying Deer Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself
I'll go one further than those mainland bastards
and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head,
rubbing his chest, and then his groin,
and then masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing.
"Well" he explained," by imitating antlers,
rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating 😃
I was starting my speech by saying,
"Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."
new jokes pls 😃
Just found this thread and here at work whenever im idle I read these jokes and it took me a couple of days to finally reach the last. I hope u people wont stop posting jokes, it helps other people with their boredom, especially me. hehehehe. :icon14:
Wirelessly posted (Nokia6600/1.0 (3.42.1) SymbianOS/7.0s Series60/2.0 Profile/MIDP-2.0 Configuration/CLDC-1.0)
Let's party again. 😊 how many jokes with blondes are in the world ? .... NONE all of them are real stories 😊