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Want Fun? Read a JOKE :)

712 replies · 83,966 views · Started 21 November 2002

Edgedale 21 May 2003, 05:44

The First Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!".

Edgedale 21 May 2003, 05:46

The Second Affair

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough, delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son.

He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child.

"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"

Edgedale 21 May 2003, 05:46

The Third Affair

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

With that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's scaling. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home.

The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

Edgedale 21 May 2003, 05:47

The Fourth Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

Edgedale 21 May 2003, 05:48

The Fifth Affair

A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One Cent?", exclaimed the man.

The bartender replied, "Yes."

So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"

"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the man.

"4 cents," the bartender replied.

"Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."

Edgedale 21 May 2003, 05:48

The Sixth Affair

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.

Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "Becky my darling," he whispered.

"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."

He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky, everything's, all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I .... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"

"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you."

Edgedale 23 May 2003, 01:21

Samarai and Fly

Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai so he sent out a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for one. A year passed and only 3 people showed up.

The emperor asked the first Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head Samurai.

The first Samurai opened a match box and out pops a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword and the fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!"

The emperor then asked the second Samurai to come in and demonstrate. The second Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. Whoosh whoosh goes his sword. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces.

The emperor exclaimed, "That is really very impressive!"

The emperor then had the third Samurai demonstrate why he should be the head Samurai. The third Samurai also opened a match box and out pops a fly. His flashing sword goes whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh whoooooooossshhh. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still alive and buzzing around.

The emperor, obviously disappointed, asks, "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?" The third Samurai smiled, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised!

Edgedale 23 May 2003, 01:39

Got this from one of my teachers.

See how creative Phua Chu Kang is..........CHEERS

Phua Chu Kang was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10.

Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1.

This is what he came up with.....

"1 day i go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. After i saw couple, couple saw me, so i panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me but i run until 6 and throw up. i chabot into 7 eleven to hide and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then i get 9 and try to stab him. And 10 hor...10 hor...he die lor.

SO i put the 9 back and pay the girl for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, i call my boss and say i am 6. He said 5. Tomorrow also don need to come back 4 work. He also ask me to climb a 3 and jump. I don understand, i nice 2 him but i don know what he 1. "

I wondering how will P.C.K ever pass his English composition.

FOX HOUND 23 May 2003, 18:47

nice Edgedale 😃 😃 😃
--------------------------

A prisoner escapes from his California prison where he had

been kept for 15 years.

As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it.

He finds a young couple in bed. He gets the guy out of bed,

ties him up on a chair, ties up the woman to the bed and while he gets

on top of

her, he kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the

bathroom.

While he is in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is a

prisoner ..... look at his clothes! He probably spent a lot of time in

prison, and has not seen a woman in years. I saw the way he

kissed your neck . If he wants sex, don't resist; just do what he tells

you; give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets

angry, he will kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was

whispering in my ear. He told me that he found you very sexy,

and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.

Be strong, honey. I love you too..."

Edgedale 26 May 2003, 01:15

A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up.

The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

She screams.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Whoa!!!

PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!!

I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!*!*!*!*!