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Want Fun? Read a JOKE :)

712 replies · 83,966 views · Started 21 November 2002

more bad jokes
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What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ?
A tiger moth !

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food ?
'Let us prey.'

Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite at Christmas ?
Because he has sandy claws !

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ?
'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

What is lion's favorite food ?
Baked beings !

What do tigers wear in bed ?
Stripey pyjamas !

What does a lion brush his mane with ?
A catacomb !

What happened when the lion ate the comedian ?
He felt funny !

What's striped and bouncy ?
A tiger on a pogo stick !

How can you get a set of teeth put in for free ?
Smack a lion !

On which day do lions eat people ?
Chewsday !

Why did the lion feel sick after he'd eaten the priest ?
Because it's hard to keep a good man down !

What did the lioness say to the cub chasing a hunter ?
'Stop playing with your food.'

What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane ?
A dandy lion !

What happens when a lion runs into an express train at the station ?
It's the end of the lion !

Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station ?
Because it's a 'mane-lion' station !

What do you call a show full of lions ?
The mane event !

How does a leopard change its spots ?
When it gets tired of one spot it just moves to another !

What happened to the man who tried to cross a lioin with a goat ?
He had to get a new goat !

Why was the lion-tamer fined ?
He parked on a yellow lion !

What do you call a crazy chicken ?
A cuckoo cluck !

What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way ?
She was tickled to death !

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a duck?
A bird that lays down !

Why don't chickens like people ?
They beat eggs !

Why did the rooster run away ?
He was chicken !

What do chickens grow on ?
Eggplants !

Why is it easy for chicks to talk ?
Because talk is cheep !

What happens when a hen eats gunpowder ?
She lays hand gren-eggs !

What happened when the chicken ate cement ?
She laid a sidewalk !

What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken ?
She kicked the bucket !

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do i make my point clear :-?

here goes my attempts

Instructor giving a lecture on the population explosion: 'Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child.'

One student immediately stands up and says: 'She must be found and stopped, sir!'
😃

The boss who was on the 25th floor of the building called up the clerk on the ground floor for an important file. Since it was rather urgent the boss told the clerk it was an emergency and that he should hurry with the file.
After more than 30 minutes the clerk appears all tired and panting for breath.
The Boss asks him why he was panting and what caused the huge delay.
The clerk replies, "Boss when I went to the lift it said 'during an emergency please use the staircase'!!!

One man was crying in the medical lab when another came up to him and asked, "What's up?"
The man replied, "I had a blood test and the doctor has cut my finger!"
The other man also started crying and the first one asked, "What are you crying about?"
The man replied, "I'm here for a urine test!"

this one is because you cannot post jokes and not even have a blonde one (no offence to blondes) 😃

How do you keep a blonde busy?
Ask her to sit in the corner of a round room .

or better still write PTO on both sides of a paper and hand it over to her.

which part of the female anatomy has hair all around it, is a bit wet inside and drops water when excited?

sorry! it's the EYE but i like the way you think!

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.

" A pint of lager please.......and one for the road"

Lee

That really shouldn't be funny........but it is!

Sorry for my earlier effort, i could hear you all groaning! 😊

Here's one for today!

Man went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the
shop owner "Give us the lot" said the man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and
had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower
and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by
came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sir" he replied "but that's the last time I try
that budgie jumping"

Lee

And for my hundreth post......

some blonde jokes (apologies to any blondes out there, particularly if you're dumb 😉 ...)

She's so blonde that...

She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped over the cordless phone.

She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.

If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.

She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.

When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!".

She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".

Lee

New Improved Lawnmowers

One day a lawyer was riding in his limosine when he saw a guy eating grass He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass".
The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford a thing to eat."

So the layer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house."

The guys then said, "But I have a wife and three kids." The layers told him to bring them along.

When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."

The layer said, "You're going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall."

Are you building a house, but some street light is giving you a hard time? Here's the solution!
And you could also rent it to the fire department afterwards! 😃

[quote="kalim13"]How do you keep a blonde busy?
Ask her to sit in the corner of a round room .

or better still write PTO on both sides of a paper and hand it over to her.[/quote]

I found the perfect blonde game 8) click and hold the button 😃 I got it right the first time 😃

I gave up LauRa... I got tired of holding the button 😞 It's 2am here and I'm a bit sleepy also! hehehe! but nice game! how long did you hold it?