good one 8)
Want Fun? Read a JOKE :)
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Confucius says...
1. Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets titbit.
2. Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.
3. Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
4. Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.
5. Passionate kiss like spider web--lead to undoing of fly.
6. Man with holes in pocket, feels cocky all day.
7. Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
8. Virginity like balloon--one prick, all gone.
9. Girls who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
10. He who farts in church, sits in own pew.
11. Baseball all wrong--man with four balls can't walk.
12. Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.
13. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
14. Man with penis in peanut butter is fucking nuts.
15. Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
16. Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.
17. Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
18. Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand
[quote="Edgedale"]Confucius says...
9. Girls who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
16. Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.
[/quote]
lllllllllloooooooooooollllllllllllll
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more
:lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!: :lol!:
this is only the work of a saudi arabian man
[quote="cooler43"]this is only the work of a saudi arabian man[/quote]
sometimes they have too much free time on there hands and nothing in there heads 😃
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Some of us might need this :fadein:
Joke for today..
In this life I'm a woman.
In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.
When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do
nothing but sleep
for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat
yourself stupid. I
could deal with that, too.
When you're a girl bear, you birth your children
(who are the size
of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to
partially grown, cute
cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean
business. You swat
anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out
of line, you swat
them too. I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up
growling. He
EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess
body fat.
Yup...gonna be a bear.
READ STORY BEFORE OPENING OR LOOKING AT PICTURE
Last week I was with one of my summer interns in the lobby when a receptionist complained that her printer wasn't working.
The intern messed around with it and discovered a pen stuck inside the printer.
He started to jam his fingers down into the printer to get the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it nd then report it to the Help Desk.
So he grabs a piece of paper and starts scrawling on it. I left before he finished the note. About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on the
printer and went to investigate.>
Attached is what he found.
Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to!!
Just to keep the blondes happy 😉
Blondes Revenge
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long
flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.
He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:
"Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $10, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $100." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a ten-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.
After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $100.
The blonde politely takes the $100 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?"
Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $10, and goes back to sleep.
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Excellent!! 😃 😃
Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.
Morris shouted across the garage, "Hey DeBakey! Is dat you? Come on ova' here a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at dis here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish dis baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get da big bucks, when you an' me is doing basically da same work?"
Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic:
"Try doing it with the engine running." 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
WOMEN's PERSONAL ADs
40-ish Really means... 48
Athletic Really means... Flat-chested.
Average looking Really means... Ugly.
Beautiful Really means... Pathological liar
Educated Really means... College dropout
Emotionally Secure Really means... Medicated
Feminist Really means... Fat; ball buster
Free spirit Really means... Drug user
Friendship first Really means... Trying to live down reputation as sl*t
Fun Really means... Annoying
Good Listener Really means... Borderline Autistic
New-Age Really means... All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned Really means... Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded Really means... Desperate
Outgoing Really means... Loud
Passionate Really means... Loud
Poet Really means... Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional Really means... Real Witch
Redhead Really means... Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque Really means...Grossly Fat
Romantic Really means...Looks better by candle light
Weight proportional to height Really means... Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate Really means... One step away from stalking
Widow Really means... Nagged first husband to death
SO WATCH OUT MEN OF THE WORLD 😃
Cool! 😊 😃
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Youngest Son: Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between "potentially" , and " in reality"
Dad: I will show you
Dad turns to his wife and asks her: Would you sleep with Robert Redford for 1 million dollars?
Wife: Yes of course! I would never waste such an opportunity!
Then Dad asks his daughter if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1
million dollars?
Daughter: Waow! Yes! This is my fantasy!
So Dad turns to his elder son and asks him: Would you sleep with Tom
Cruise for 1 million dollars?
Older Son: Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million
dollars! I would never hesitate!
So the father turns back to his younger son saying: You see son,
"potentially" we are sitting on 3 million dollars, but "in reality" we
are living with 2 bitches and 1 gay!
Heh, Heh. Nice one! 😊
Lee
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ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so there is a soft spot to the mighty FOXHOUND :-? 😃 😃
There was a Preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The Preacher went to the congregation and asked for a raise.
After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After five or six children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's pay.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much the preacher's additional children were costing the church.
Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd and said...
"HAVING CHILDREN IS AN ACT OF GOD!"
In the back of the room, a little old man stood up!!!
In his frail voice said ....
"SNOW AND RAIN ARE ALSO ACTS OF GOD, BUT WHEN WE GET TOO MUCH, WE WEAR RUBBERS."
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth. "They were drinking?" asked the officer.
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth. "They were smoking?"
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?" The monkey continued motioning. "They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked."
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving" motioned the monkey