Want Fun? Read a JOKE :)

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks
for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke.

i can see that LAuRA (AKA. Laurine Fairhair) is happy with it 😃

😃 😃 😃

😃

NO, I DIDN'T LIKE IT.... 😃 just kidding 😃

how about this...

...and this...

[quote="jamella"]how about this...[/quote]

nice trophy 😃

😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

Let Me Bite Your Breasts

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for 100 dollars?"

"Are you nuts?", she replies. And keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for 1,000 dollars?" he asks again.

"Listen sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

So the guy runs again around the next block and faces her again: "Would let me bite your breasts for 10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says "Hmmm 10,000
dollars eh? Ok, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there"

So they go to that alley and she takes off the blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them he jumps on them and start caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them... but no biting.

In the end the woman gets all annoyed and asks: "Are you gonna bite them or what?" "Nah", he replies. "Too expensive."

😉

Although this story is long.... but it's a good laugh....

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so the lord decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was, that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really awful day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

The next day at 12.01pm, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, said to the man, "Before I can let you in, you have to tell me what happened in your life the day on which you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment during my lunch hour and found my wife half-naked. I thought she was having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. Immediately, I began searching for him. My wife was shouting at me as I searched the apartment. Just as I was going to give up the search, I looked out onto the balcony and saw there was a man hanging over the edge by his fingertips! Well, I went out onto the balcony and jumped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die! I was so mad that I went back inside to fetch something that I could throw at him.

Strangely, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. So I unplugged it, pushed it to the balcony and tipped over the side. It fell the 25 storeys and crushed the man. Unfortunately all this excitement was too much and I had a heart attack and died instantly!!"

The Angel sat and thought for a moment. Technically, the man did have a bad day. It was crime of passion. So he announced, "Okay, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in. A few seconds later the next person came up. The Angel said, "Before I can let you enter, I need to know what happened to you on the day you died."

"No problem," said the second man. "But you are not going to believe this!!! I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure, so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I think I got a little carried away, slipped and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But suddenly, this crazy man comes
running out of his apartment, swears at me, and jumps on my fingers! Well, I fell and just before I hit the ground, I landed in some trees or bushes which I broke my fall. But I didn't die immediately. As I am lying there, looking up, unable to move, and in great pain, I notice the crazy man push his REFRIGERATOR off the balcony. It falls 25 floors and lands on top of me - killing me instantly!"

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I think I like this new policy," he says to himself. "Okay," says the Angel to the second man. "Welcome! to the Kingdom of Heaven." And he lets the man in.

A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gates. The Angel says,"Please tell me how you died." The third man says, "You will never believe this. I am naked, hiding inside a refrigerator................."

😉

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😃 great furom guys
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Check this...

😃 😃 😃

It's dark in here!

A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet, with the little boy. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$25.00"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball mitt."
The lover remembering the last time asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$75.00"
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and
forth." The boy says, "I can't, I sold them." "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says, "$100.00"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

😉

😃 😃 :P 😮 😉

During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died. With death certificates in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial.

The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body back to the states for burial is very, very expensive.
It could cost as much as $5,000.00. The Consul continues, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here.
This would only cost $150.00.

George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do." The Consul, after hearing this, says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from
the dead ! I just can't take that chance."

😉

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily
against a wall. The owner asks the clerk "What's with that guy over
there by the wall?" and the clerk says "Well, he came in here this morning
to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave
him an entire bottle of laxative." The owner says "You idiot! You can't
treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!" The clerk says "Of course you
can!
Look at him; he's too scared to cough!"

:angel:

Time TO LAUGH !!!!

Although this story is long.... but it's a good laugh....

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so the lord decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was, that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really awful day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.

The next day at 12.01pm, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, said to the man, "Before I can let you in, you have to tell me what happened in your life the day on which you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment during my lunch hour and found my wife half-naked. I thought she was having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. Immediately, I began searching for him. My wife was shouting at me as I searched the apartment. Just as I was going to give up the search, I looked out onto the balcony and saw there was a man hanging over the edge by his fingertips! Well, I went out onto the balcony and jumped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die! I was so mad that I went back inside to fetch something that I could throw at him.

Strangely, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. So I unplugged it, pushed it to the balcony and tipped over the side. It fell the 25 storeys and crushed the man. Unfortunately all this excitement was too much and I had a heart attack and died instantly!!"

The Angel sat and thought for a moment. Technically, the man did have a bad day. It was crime of passion. So he announced, "Okay, sir. Welcome to th e Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in. A few seconds later the next person came up. The Angel said, "Before I can let you enter, I need to know what happened to you on the day you died."

"No problem," said the second man. "But you are not going to believe this!!! I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure, so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I think I got a little carried away, slipped and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But suddenly, this crazy man comes
running out of his apartment, swears at me, and jumps on my fingers! Well, I fell and just before I hit the ground, I landed in some trees or bushes which I broke my fall. But I didn't die immediately. As I am lying there, looking up, unable to move, and in great pain, I notice the crazy man push his REFRIGERATOR off the balcony. It falls 25 floors and lands on top of me - killing me instantly!"

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I think I like this new policy," he says to himself. "Okay," says the Angel to the second man. "Welcome! to the Kingdom of Heaven." And he lets the man in.

A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gates. The Angel says,"Please tell me how you died." The third man says, "You will never believe this. I am naked, hiding inside a refrigerator................."

One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his

coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red

roses. When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their

good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and

the heart closed again.

It was a majestic tribute to the much-loved cardiologist.

Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.

Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next

to him asked, "Why are you laughing, Mister?"

"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man

replied. "I'm a gynecologist."

:angel:

here's my share 😃 😃 nice outfit huh 😮

thats' so @#$%^&*&^%#$!!!! :shocked!:

It seems there was this couple from Minneapolis,
Minnesota, who decided to
go to Florida for a few days to thaw out during
one
particularly cold
winter.

Since both spouses worked, they had difficulty
coordinating their
schedules, so the decision was made to have the
husband
leave for Florida
on a certain day, with the wife following him
one day
later.

The man made it down to Florida and arrived at
his
hotel. Upon getting to
his room, he decided to open his laptop and send
his
wife back in
Minneapolis an email. However, he left off one
letter in
typing his wife's
email address and sent the email off without
realizing
his error.

In another part of the country, a widow had just
returned from the funeral
of her husband, a Methodist pastor of many
years, who
had been called to
glory just a few days earlier. She decided to
check her
email because she
was expecting to hear from her husband's
relatives and
friends. Upon
reading the first email, she let out a loud
scream,
fainted and fell to
the floor.

The woman's son rushed into the room and found
his
mother on the floor. He
glanced up at the computer screen and saw the
following
email message:

My Loving Wife:

I've just been checked in. Everything has
been prepared for your arrival here
tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then.
Your Devoted Husband.
PS: Sure it's hot down here.

😉

[quote="jamella"]thats' so @#$%^&*&^%#$!!!! :shocked!:[/quote]
i'm with you on that 😮

Here's a joke i want to share! 😊 Hope you guys like it! :angel:

Dear Abby,

I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My

fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and
understanding. She is putting the
entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the
invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected
it to be.

When I got to her place, we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to
just under
a hundred ... then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a

married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with
me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said

that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there

for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to
deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door ...

There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be.
He was
smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid
and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he
congratulated me on passing their little test.
Abby, should I tell my fiancee' what her parents did, and that I thought

their
"little test" was asinine and insulting to my character? Or should I
keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was
walking out to my car was to get a condom?

Signed,

Confused

[quote="FOX HOUND"][quote="jamella"]thats' so @#$%^&*&^%#$!!!! :shocked!:[/quote]
i'm with you on that 😮[/quote]

Me too!!!!!!!!!!! 😮

ok i'm back with more jokes
----------------------------------

A Priest And A Bus Driver:

----------------------------------

A priest and a bus driver both died and went to heaven at the same time. They get to the pearly gates where St. Peter greets them.
He motions to the priest, and they both hop in a jeep and go out the back door. There are about 50 acres of rolling hills with a little cottage on the knoll. St. Peter turns to the priest and says "This will be yours for eternity. A perfect little cottage, right next to a wishing well. Anything you wish on that wishing well will come true guarantied."

The priest says, "Oh, thank you so much. This I shall enjoy!"

St. Peter drops off the priest, goes back to the pearly gates and motions to the bus driver. They hop in a stretch limo and go out the front door. There are about 500 acres of land, with mountains and lakes and rivers. There is a huge castle on one of the mountains with about 200 rooms. St. Peter says "This will be yours for eternity. You can live in that castle with servants to wait on you hand and foot, and you can have everything you want."

The bus driver looks and St. Peter and says "Well, now, don't think I'm not grateful, but shouldn't the priest get all this, not me? Shouldn't I get the cottage and 50 acres instead?"

St. Peter just laughs and says "The reason you get all this is because when the priest preached, everyone fell asleep. Now, when you drove your bus, people prayed!"

---------------------------

A Priest and a Rabbi

---------------------------

There was a priest and a rabbi, and they were both cruising on the highway. The priest was in his new, shiny, red Catilliac heading north. The rabbi was in his new black Lincoln Town Car heading south. They were both kicking back and enjoying the view when out of nowhere BANG!!! They somehow got into a head-on collision.

They both ended up living. The priest got out of his car and looked himself over. He was all in one piece. Then the rabbi got out of his car and looked himself over. When they both figured out they were okay, they turned around to inspect their cars. A bundle of metal that belonged in a junk yard is the least that can be said about what they saw. Their cars were totaled. DEMOLISHED!

The priest walked over to the rabbi and said this calls for a celebration. So the priest walks back to his car and opens the back door. He pulls out a surprisingly fully intact bottle of wine and walks back to the rabbi and hands him the bottle and says" This is for our miracle". The rabbi downs half the bottle and hands it back to the priest. The priest says, "No thanks, I think I'll just wait for the cops to get here."

here's my new one 😃

Tsk..tsk..tsk.. 😉

clever one huh, FOXHOUND?

😉