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TODAY'S JOKE:
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Who Would You Have A Conversation With?
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
I hope that was enough for today, guys....
Please understood that I have some major changes in my life, and I connot waffle so mutch.I still log in daily and watch the aas spirit 😃
BTW. That was not a joke 😉
nice bro!!! 😃 😃 😃 😃
Here's my first crack of joke that I got from a local e-mail. I had to revise some items to translate it into english.
Never ever talk to strangers...
Last week, I was on my way to a beach resort with a couple of friends, when I decided to stop at a restroom in a relatively new Gas station. Being a new gas station, this place could have a clean restroom and it should do?just right clean facility to take a good shit : ) The first stall was occupied (my theory was correct ) so I went into the second one.
Just when I was seated and poised to emit a very "silent" fart, I heard a voice from the next toilet:
"Hi, how are you doing?" Holy Shit!!! I thought in my mind. I am certainly not the type to chat with
strangers in highway comfort rooms or any comfort room for that matter. Normally, I would keep as dead silent as possible in a situation like this so no one would think I was there. What was I to
do? run? keep quiet? so many questions in my mind.
I really don't know quite what possessed me, but anyway, I answered,
a little embarrassed:
"I?m fine thank you!"
And the stranger said: "What?s up with you?"
Talk about your unnervingly dumb questions! WHO THE HELL IS THIS
GUY? (In my mind) I was really beginning to think this was just TOO
WEIRD! So I said:
"WELL, JUST LIKE YOU I'M TAKING A SHIT"
Then, I heard the person, all upset, say, "Look, I'll call you back,
there's some idiot in the next toilet answering all the questions I am
asking you."
Wassup...... 😃
😃
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TODAY'S JOKE:
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Satan Goes To Church
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Smithville wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate.
Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit.
Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?"
The man says, "Yep, sure do."
Satan says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?"
The man says, "Nope, sure ain't."
Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?"
"Well, I've been married to your sister for 25 years."
::you might hate fridays::
One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.
The demon asked, "Why so glum?"
The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell."
"Hell's not so bad," the demon said,
"We actually have a lot of fun down here."
"You a drinking man?"
"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."
"Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"
The guy is astounded. oh my! that sounds great!"
"You a smoker?" the demon asked.
"You better believe it!"
"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"
"Wow," the guy said. "That's awesome!"
The demon continued, "I bet you like to gamble."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."
"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow."
"You into drugs?"
The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean..."
"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"
"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation.
"I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
The demon said, "You gay?"
"No."
"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays."
cheers!
😃 😃 😃 😃
good one jamella 😃 😃 😃
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so we neeed new members
send to mafia are us
Boss, can I leave the office earlier today?
Why?
My wifes goes to shopping, and wants me to help her....
No way....continue working!
Thank you, Boss.....
LOL!!!! 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
LOL!!!
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
Wich one of them?
Anyhow, That was yesterday.
Here comes the
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TODAY'S JOKE:
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The Sailor Saves The Day
A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying.
He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Maybe a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He sure is, lady," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
lol! 😃
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TODAY'S JOKE:
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If Only Men Would Listen
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"
The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!"
They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
i'm back 😃
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5 presidents are on a plane
---------------------------------------------
Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane.
Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane.
Then Bill Clinton says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws George W. Bush off the plane.
So I will add something to this great thread as well...😊
:angel: :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
nice one MirekCz
keep em coming
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Just browsing
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A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around. Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know what he was doing. The blind man calmly replied, "I'm just lookin' around."
nice MirekCz 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
😃 😃 😃
Joke of the day:
Mirek is working on a 3d version of WARP Fighter combined with Nokia SNOWBOARDING
😃
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TODAY'S JOKE:
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Little Girl And Her Twinkie
A twelve year old girl was taken to the barber shop for a haircut with her grandfather. As her grandfather was getting a haircut she was standing next to the barber's chair eating a Twinkie.
The barber said, "Say there lass, you are getting hair on your Twinkie."
The young girl looked up at the barber and said, "Yes, and I'm getting boobs too!"
:robot:
nasty 😃 😃 😃
As we say overhere, that girl has a future 😉 😉 😉
U bet she has... 😃
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TODAY'S JOKE:
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The Postcard
"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.
"No, thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all."
As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife?" he asked.
"Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said...
"Please bring up a postcard. I'll mail her a note!"
On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and I Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and I Irish woman
One month later, the following things have occurred:
*One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
*The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.
*The two German men have a strict weekly schedule as to when they alternate with the German woman.
*The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
*The two Englishmen are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
*The Polish men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the Polish woman and they started swimming.
*The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, while the American woman keeps on bitching about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfilment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer, and how her relationship with her mother is improving.
*The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for
instructions.
*The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them both "bloody wankers".
*Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
*The Irish began by dividing the island into North and South and set up a distillery. After the first few litres of coconut whisky they do not remember if sex is in the picture, but they are satisfied that at least the English are not getting any.
- - -
Obviously I'm not trying to offend anyone here 😃
[quote="Laurine Fairhair"]On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:[/quote]
I heard a version of this where two Finnish men and Finnish woman were in place of the Americans. And there were Chinese, too. The two Chinese men had set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry, and had got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store. Same story othervise...
[quote="The Godfather"]U bet she has... 😃[/quote]
not if i get to her first 😃 😃 😃
[quote="Laurine Fairhair"]On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: ..............................
[/quote]
sombody put a leash on that girl 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
good one LAuRA 😃 😃 😃 😃