Want Fun? Read a JOKE :)

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TODAY'S JOKE:
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The Golden Phones

It seems a man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. He went to a very large church and began taking photographs, etc. He spots a golden telephone on a wall and is intrigued with a sign which reads "$10,000 a minute."

Seeking out the pastor he asks about the phone and the sign. The pastor answers that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God. He thanks the pastor and continues on his way. As he continues to visit churches in Seattle, Boise, Minneapolis, Chicago, Milwaukee, New York, Atlanta, and on around the United States, he finds more phones, with the same sign, and the same answer from each pastor.

Finally, he arrives in Texas. Upon entering a church in Dallas, lo and behold, he sees the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign reads "Calls: 25 cents."

Fascinated, he requests to talk to the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I found this golden telephone, and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call. Why?"

The pastor, smiling benignly, replies, "Oh, my son, that's very easy to explain. You see, you're now in Texas and, of course, it's a local call from here."

So much for Texans being a modest bunch!

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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.

The chicken is smoking a cigarette and has a satisfied smile on
its face, whilst the egg is frowning and looking a tad put out.
The egg mutters to nobody in particular, "I guess we answered
THAT question."

😃 😮ops: 😃

i'm back 8)
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

😃

http://garfield.snuggels.warlocks.be

I once generated all the garfield links 😉

[quote="Dazler"]http://garfield.snuggels.warlocks.be

I once generated all the garfield links 😉[/quote]

😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

garfield is an inspiration for all lazy type guys (and i'm a proud member 😃 )
that's for today

ok a joke today
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C.E.O. D.U.M.B

One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help.
"Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important."

Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper. Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy."

and more
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Inventions by Idiots

1) Inflatable dart board.
2) Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses.
3) A book on how to read.
4) Solar-powered flashlight.
5) Screen door on a submarine
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Office English Dictionary

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

Ego Surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on, looking for references to one's own name.

Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.

Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake.

Perot: To quit unexpectedly, as in "My cellular phone just perot'ed."

SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income,Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

Squirt the Bird: To transmit a signal to a satellite.

Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.

Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."

Treeware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she
brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to
pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a
washing machine will probably never be able to
support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that
allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say
something smart?
When she starts her sentence with
"A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't.
There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough
to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and
your wife is yelling at the front door, who
do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you
let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know
her first name was Always.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt her.
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Scientists have discovered a food that
diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring,
Wedding Ring, Suffering.
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Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me
"What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested. Then
God created Woman. Since then, neither God
nor Man has rested.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman
shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't
eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had
your willpower."
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in
some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife
until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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A man inserted an advertisement in the classified:
Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred
letters. They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
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The most effective way to remember your wife's
birthday is to forget it once.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a
beer gut, and still think they are beautiful
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no offence to women
unless Link gets a sex change operation 😃 😃 😃
😉

😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

Naughty you!!!

😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

[quote="amor7"]😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

Naughty you!!!

😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃[/quote]
let me guess
you have seen ANALYZE THAT
8)

stay away this time 😃

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TODAY'S JOKE:
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Whose Profession Came First

A doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer are going out golfing. They
are trying to decide whose profession came first.

The doctor says, "My profession came first because when God
removed Adam's rib he performed surgery."

The engineer then says, "No, no, no. When the earth was dark and
void God created light. That was engineering."

The lawyer says, "You're both wrong."

The doctor and engineer reply, "Oh yeah? What makes you think
yours came first?"

The lawyer replies, "Where do you think the darkness came from?"

that's very funny, TheSpecialBoy!

😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

😃 😃 😃 😃

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TODAY'S JOKE:
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Life Science Final Exam

The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science
classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The
question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk." What
to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his
head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.

2. Cats can't steal it.

3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer.
Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He
scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He
grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive
answer:

4. Available in attractive containers.

😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
good one SpecialBoy
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The Hit and Run Case

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"

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TODAY'S JOKE:
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Little Tommy Can't Find The Bathroom

Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

So, Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted.

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.
Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it."

Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Tommy, "Well, did you find it?"

Tommy is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."

I think this post is Out Of Control...

:robot: :bday: :bday:

and what's wrong with that 8)

😃 😃 😃

here's another one.

😃 😃 😃

and another one!!!

😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

That last one was cruel :cry: poor frogs :cry:

okay, how about this?

and this!

😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

also this!

😃 😃 😃 😃 😃