LOL Foxhound
It must be spring that's getting to me 😃 😃
Maybe Sam can later tell what 2 Brazilian men would do on that island... 😃
Want Fun? Read a JOKE :)
---------------------------------
Ten Husbands, Still a Virgin
---------------------------------
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
zzzzzzzz
😮 😮 😮 :-?
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
and here's my share...
and here's another one...
and another...
and this....
Nice ones... :P
😃 😃 😃
LOL!! 😃 😃
😃
😃 😃 😃 😃
Let`s go back to real fun... Missed me?
Here comes:
TADA!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
TODAY'S JOKE:
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dog In Heat
A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring the Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
Wich was the best joke readed here, in this topic?
I would vote for this one 😃
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
-------------------
Irish Tale
-------------------
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.
He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head, and the golfball lying right beside him.
"Goodness," says the golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
Upon awaking, the little guy says, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "I can't take anything from you, I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly," and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do somethingfor him. I'll give him the three things that I would want. I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."
Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.
The leprechaun says, "I'm fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?"
The golfer says, "It's great! I hit under par every time."
The leprechaun says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is holding out?"
The golfer says, "Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill."
The leprechaun smiles and says, "I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?"
The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, "Well, maybe once or twice a week."
The leprechaun is floored and stammers, "Once or twice a week?"
The golfer looks at him and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
--------------------
Oh Lordy
--------------------
The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and
realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early
spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told
the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced
him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate
Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a
golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he
wouldn't accidently meet anyone he knew from his Parish.
Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was
Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about
this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking
down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to
let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and
said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the
ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just
short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
"Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied,
"Who's he going to tell?"
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
Have you seen this? Or should I post it in the 'your (most un-)favourite movie' 😃
Somebody said Bush is a dick***. I would say a big one...
That`s why I put the
----------------------------------------------------------------------
TODAY'S JOKE:
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Penis Tattoos
A few days before Jack married Wendy, he had her name tattooed on his penis to show her how much he loved her. When erect, the name was fully visible; but when deflated, it read "Wy".
After the ceremony, they went to Jamaica on their honeymoon. Wendy was delighted with Jack's "special emblem of devotion."
Their hotel had two beaches, one traditional and one nudist. After two days of the traditional beach, Wendy suggested visiting the clothing-optional beach.
As Wendy lay on her towel in the hot sun, she asked Jack if he'd bring her a cold drink. He walked across the sand to the little hut and asked the bartender, who was also naked, for two frozen mixed drinks. Jack tried not to stare, but he noticed that the bartender had "Wy" tattooed on his penis.
"Hey", Jack said and smiled, "What a coincidence. Your girlfriend must also be named Wendy."
"Oh no, mon," the bartender said and laughed, "Mine say 'Welcome to Jamaica. Enjoy your stay.'"
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
:fadein:
The Truck Driver and The Priest
A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitch hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over.
He asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! Ill give you a lift. Climb in the truck."
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road.
Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the lawyer. Even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."
"That's okay," replied the priest. "I did"
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
-------------------
It's Dark
-------------------
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son. Go getyour ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask forforgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into theconfessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that shit in here," the priest says.
😃
😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
here's my share of the day!
never ever trust a hotdog salesman!