Want Fun? Read a JOKE :)

Smokin' Dope

Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court and the judge says, "If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won't be sent to jail."
So the two men agree and the judge tells them to come back on Monday.

So the two guys come back on Monday and the judge asks how they did.

''I got 17 people to get off drugs,'' says the first guy.

''Wow, how'd you do that?'' asks the judge.

''I used circles. I told them that this large circle is your brain before drugs and this small circle is your brain after drugs.''

''Oh, that's nothing!" said the second guy. "I convinced 156 people to get off drugs.''

''Wow. How'd you do that?'' asked the judge.

''Well, I used circles too. I told them this small circle is your butthole before prison...''

The Blind Guy Polemic

An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $600 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit. But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all. So she came downstairs completely naked.
"Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."

Split Up The Middle

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.
"I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."

"Hell, no! In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle."

[quote="TheSpecialBoy"]Since I got few feedbacks, I just wonder.. Shall I stop posting jokes?

Hm.. I guess I am just passing a Low Inner Confidence these Days :roll:[/quote]

just keep on posting man! you dont know how you make us laugh with all those jokes!!! 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃

i also have one but very simple one.

it's funny when you go to a resto for a cup of coffee and the scenario would be like this:

You: waiter! 1 black coffee pls.

waiter: with cream?

:roll:

here's another scenario. you're the boss and you're in the office with your secretary:

you : coffee, please.

secretary: sir what kind of coffee would you like?

you: any kind of coffee will do as long as it's not decaf.

after 5 mins. your secretary will serve you your coffee that was prepared in a glass....

you : why is my coffee served in a glass?

sec: sir, it's because I asked you a while ago about the kind of coffee that you would like, then you said any kind of coffee will do as long as it's not decaf, that's why i served your coffee as de glass and not decup. :roll:

Helpdesk Nightmares

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "OK."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "OK. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." (At
this
point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support
staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got
back to the call.)

Tech Support: "OK, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"

Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

_____

One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install the batteries
in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of the
manual the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing,
and I'm not going to read the book."

_____

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting
the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

_____

Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No..."

_____

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see
the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

_____

Customer: "Huh...I need help unpacking my new PC."

Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"

Customer: "I can't open the box."

Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from
there."

Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

_____

Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly
old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or
file
name'."

Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:/ and type
'dir'."

Customer: reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.

Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again."

Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."

Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place - it can't help
but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the
Enter key?"

Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or
file name'."

Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing
I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"

Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M'
key...does that matter?

_____

At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give
the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's
asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.

Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."

Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an
outage."

Customer: "What is that?"

Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."

Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar ..."

_____

And the best for last!!!!

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and
now
my A: drive won't work."

Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my
drive, now it won't work at all."

Tech Support: "Did it not install properly? What kind of error messages did
you get?"

Customer: "I didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive
and wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That
didn't work either."

Tech Support: "You did what sir?"

Customer: "I got these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it
wouldn't budge. I just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit."

Tech Support: "I don't understand sir, did you push the eject button?"

Customer: "No, so then I got a stick of butter and melted it and used a
turkey baster and put the butter in the drive, around the disk, and that
got
it loose. Then I used the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you
would send me a disk that was broken and defective."

Tech Support: "Let me get this clear. You put melted butter in your A:
drive
and used pliers to pull the disk out?"

At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and motioned at the
other
techs to listen in.

Tech Support: "Just so I am absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what
you just said?"

Customer: "I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out,
then I had to use pliers to pull it out."

Tech Support: "Did you push that little button that was sticking out when
the disk was in the drive, you know, the thing called the disk eject
button?"

Silence.

Tech Support: "Sir?"

Customer: "Yes."

Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject button?"

Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or I am going
to
sue you for breaking my computer!"

Tech Support: "Let me get this straight. You are going to sue our company
because you put the disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we
sent you, didn't actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your
user's manual on how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to
pour butter into the drive and physically rip the disk out?"

Customer: "Ummmm."

Tech Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record
every call and have it on tape?"

Customer: (now rather humbled) "But you're supposed to help!"

Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have
a nice day."

Yo brothers... i really got something danm funny to share with you all. It's totally non-symbian related stuff.

(We take you now to the Oval Office. Condoleezza Rice just entered.)

George: 😃 Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: 😃 Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: 😃 Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: 😊 That's what I want to know.

Condi: 😉 That's what I'm telling you.

George: :-? That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: 😊 Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: 😃 Hu.

George: :-? The new leader of China.

Condi: 😃 Hu.

George: :x The Chinaman!

Condi: 😃 Hu is leading China.

George: :x Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: :P I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: 😮 That's the man's name.

George: :x That's who's name?

Condi: 8) Yes.

George: :x Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: 😃 Yes, sir.

George: :x Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: 😃 That's correct.

George: 😮 Then who is in China?

Condi: :P Yes, sir.

George: :-? Yassir is in China?

Condi: 😊 No, sir.

George: :x Then who is?

Condi: 😃 Yes, sir.

George: :evil: Yassir?

Condi: 😃 No, sir.

George: :evil: :evil: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: :P Kofi?

George: :evil: :evil: :x No, thanks.

Condi: 😃 You want Kofi?

George: :x No.

Condi: :P You don't want Kofi.

George: :x :x :evil: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: 😃 Yes, sir.

George: :evil: :x Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: 😮 Kofi?

George: :evil: :x Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: 😮 And call who?

George: :evil: :x Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: 😃 Hu is the guy in China.

George: :evil: :x Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: :-? Yes, sir.

George: :evil: :x And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: 😮 Kofi.

George: :x All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: 😃 Rice, here.

I dont knwo why but this looks familiar....

That's becoz i posted in the Admin group before. Now i wanna share this stupid joke to all our users 😃
[quote="MaleBuffy"]I dont knwo why but this looks familiar....[/quote]

BUHU.

BUHUHUHU...

two owls in a tree.....

buhuBUHU

BUHU on your mother [email protected], you scared me

hihihi

Grosser than gross.. underwear

What's grosser than gross?
When you throw your underwear and it sticks to the wall.

What's grosser than that?

When you come back an hour later and it's moved up three feet

Sex On The Beach

A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets a girl with no legs, crying.
"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been hugged," she says. The guy hugs her, but she continues crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been kissed," she says. The guy kisses her, but she continues crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been screwed," she says. The guy picks her up and throws her into the water.

"There," he says. "Now you're screwed."

Joke Written By and For Retards

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm. His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing."
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off. Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached. The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football. "Incredible!," says his friend. "Medical science is amazing!"

Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head. Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached. The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him. He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday." The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

i'm not postin anything today 8)

[quote="FOX HOUND"]i'm not postin anything today 8)[/quote]

nice joke!!! 😃

ok ok
download and enjoy 😃

more downloading 😃

no downloading this time 😃

one more and i'll sleep happy 😊

thanks for these foxhound!!! they're great!!! 😃

Pharmacist Phun

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!"

New Priest In Town

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"

Hillary Clinton's OB-GYN

Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After the exam, the OB-GYN told her that she was pregnant, and in great shape. Hillary couldn't believe the news and stormed out of the office. She rushed to her limo and picked up the phone to call the Oval Office.

"You got me pregnant! How could you be so careless?" There is a silence on the other end. Finally, she hears Bill's voice.

"Who is this?''

Hired Help

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''

''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.

''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.

The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''

The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''

The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''

The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''

The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''

The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''

The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.

The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''

The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''

Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''

A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''

Door Hinge

A couple just got a new house. The husband turned to his wife and ask her to go to the hardware store and get a door hinge for him. She kindly agreed and left.
When she got to the hardware store, got the hinge, and put it on the counter in fornt of the clerk. He noticed that she didn't have any screws for it, so he asked her ''Do you want a screw for that hinge?''

She looked back at him and said ''No, but I'll blow you for that toaster in the window.''

Keeping In Under The Kilt

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt.

A couple of weeks before, his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!"

So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed.

A few days later, the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it."

So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase.

Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear.

When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "well, what'd ye think?"

"Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed.

"Aye, and if ye like it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he stated as he lifted his kilt to show here.

;Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly.

Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on he exclaimed quite proudly, "aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home!"

pandemonium i did post the last joke
but still is a good one 😃 😃

😃

sorry mate !
do you want me to delite it?
we' ve posted 18 pages of jokes,who can remember them all!?